3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
