Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
