wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
