Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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