I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
