i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
