I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
