i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
