cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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