Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
