dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"it" just moved
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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