And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize