My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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