problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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