fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
