I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
