Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
