Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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