i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
