So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
