quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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