I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
