so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The air taste purple.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
