You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't turn off my feet"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I love you. Go after that dick
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
