It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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