Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
