I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The power of my boobs compel you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
