Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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