No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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