I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
