Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
