So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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