omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
