i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
