He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
