I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
