Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize