my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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