guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
