Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
