i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
