i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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