she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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