i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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