Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
