For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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