a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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