1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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