she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
