I hate all girls vehemently.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
