I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
