i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
