i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
