Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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