His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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