I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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