I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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