Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
