i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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