Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
