420 ftw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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