and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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