Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
