Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
